hectic
Last few days have been pretty hectic. Yesterday was my Gran’s funeral and the weather was that typical cliche, windy and rainy. Its been almost unbearably cold aswell all of a sudden. The wind has changed direction or something and its brought with it really wintery weather, its clear autumn is getting into full swing now, even if the leaves on the trees still arent changing color.
The funeral went off without a hitch, and hat off to my uncle Ian who stood up and read a tribute out to my gran. Like my great uncle Harry was saying, its difficult to get up and talk to people anyways, even harder under those circumstances. One thing that did catch my attention that I didn’t really agree with though, was the priest slipping in a little “oh you’ll find the donation plate beside the door on the way out”…garnished with something relative to the days proceedings. I was annoyed that he was using my grans funeral to try and squeeze a bit of money out of people. Well anyways the pall bearers took the coffin back to the herse and we drove to the crematory, cremation building whatever its called. The chimmney loomed up out of the grey looking particularly ominous and it got me thinking about what goes on in that building. The burning of dead bodies. The hole thing just seemed somehow very morose and I wondered if that high chimney released ash from burning bodies or if it was released. So we did another little service there before the coffin was taken away for cremation. then back to the wake to get more than a little drunk, reminescing with relatives and cracking jokes with some of the men who were friends with my dad, Hughie and Ramie and his wife Hillary.
Then it was back to my house after a quick trip to the store I work in to pick up some booze. I say some, read as; A bottle of Jamesons and a big bottle of Jack Daniels. And my uncle was curious about my bottle of Jagermeister aswell, so that came downstairs aswell with the red bull.
Today was quite different, sort of composed and withdrawn. We went over to the crematory to retrieve my grans ashes and bury them in a plot my uncle had reserved overlooking the Derwent Valley. The small “cemetary” you could call it was surrounded by trees and bushes but still somehow exposed to the wind. It was literally freezing today like the middle of winter but clear and sunny.
Curiously though all I could think about after the brief ceremony was being single. The weather today was just the kind of weather I’d have wanted to go for a walk with my girlfriend just sort of idle chit chat as we drank in the scenery and stayed close to ward off the cold. stopping occasionally to simply enjoy the presence of the other and kiss. This feeling was of course made worse after we went to the pub at the very top of the hill for coffee and it was so snug inside and the warm drinks were amazing after the cold. and again all i could think about was sitting at a quiet table enjoying the view from the pub as we took our coats and scarves off and got warm inside.
so a bit of a depressing day really. tomorrow wont be any better i suspect, I’m back to work, and I really cant be arsed. An event during my last shift really was the turning point I think, when my shifts were …real. It’s hard to explain but I was just sort of working through my shifts and paying no attention or thought to what had happened during it as I worked. This isnt to say im inattentive of my work. I just get my head down and get on with it. However this event suddenly made me very aware of everything happening at work and it all sort of flooded over me leaving me feeling like I just wanted to go home and watch TV getting fat eating junk food. So. The lustre of a new job has at last worn off and it is actually work now, emotionally more than anything else. Perhaps it was because I had a particularly long shift right slap bang in the middle of the day, not the start not the end but the very bloody middle which i totaly hate, cos it gives me enough time in the morning to do what i’d usually do then i have to cut it short. And I just feel like I wish I was still doing that while I’m at work. End of the day shifts arent bad cos i get enough time to do the things I want at the beginning of the day then work at the end.
Nevermind, I feel like you might have gone blind by that huge wall of text there, so I’ll stick a little doorway in the bottom of it for you to get through in the form of my usual farewell;
Stay Safe
Phil
