It’s time
Well I think its time for another update. I know I havent posted in a while, but truth be told, nothing has happened for a while. I’m still confused as hell about what I wanna do with my life, I’m still dead nervous when I’m in environments where I dont know anyone (doctor says I have social phobia or something) and I’m even more nervous about starting work tomorrow cos I’m going to be out of the house for six hours with LOADS of people I dont know.
I have to say, considering I told the interviewer about my condition and panic attacks, I don’t appreciate the hours they have me in tomorrow. They asked if there were any special conditions that could be met to make it more comfortable for me and they have failed to meet them. Its not a good start. Next I’ll find out that the part time hours I asked for have become 40 hours in the translation from interviewer to personell department.
Oh hey, I didnt win a damned thing on the euro millions lottery tonight. It was sods law really. With having so much time on my hands I spent some of it day dreaming about having that much money. As soon as I started doing that I should have known I wouldnt win. I have the mentality that fate or luck or whatever you want to call it is just like “fuck you bitch, you can’t have any of those things you greedy little bastard”. The good news is though, that there are no winners and its rolled over to next week. That puts the jack pot up to an estimated £92,000,000…thats alot of zeros. I’d like to see that many figures in my bank account some day.
I don’t really call it greedy to want to win the lottery. Selfish perhaps but not greedy. I just think I’d be able to function alot easier with that kind of financial stability instead of all this crazy uncertainty I have had for the last 3 years. Even my doctor says I’ve experienced a side of life many dont see sometimes at all in life. And I’m only 20 years old ffs.
I’d probably become a recluse or something If I did win. I like to think I’d have a big library of books and I could just spend my life learning. I love knowledge. And I’d love to be able to just read. A few weeks ago I took a day to read Catcher in the Rye and it was great to be able to read it cover to cover. I dont think I could read weighty tomes, of history or philosophy or psychology or perhaps even languages, in one day. But I’d like that I had the free time, from having that much money, to devote to study.
Reclusive Scholar hmm? I’d probably turn into one of those dusty eccentric types, that where those strange little fez or morrocan hat things, with waist coats and bow ties. Can you imagine that.
Oh well, enough of the dreaming. I have to go to sleep now, the true kingdom of the dream, so I can be up in time to prepare myself a little bit emotionally before I start work.
Sweet Dreams everyone, I hope they are as wistful as mine are.
Phil.
