The discipline of Writing.
I don’t really know what to type here today, I’m having a hard time writing anything. Which sucks when you wanna be a writer. But I hardly talk to my Muse anymore, its cool that she’s getting on with her life and I respect that, applaud it even. I’ve realised how hard that is. But I do miss talking to her, as much as we used to.
Lets try free writing. huh
Well I told my mum about my depression and things have just gone weird, everyone is “pussy footing” around me, as if they might upset me or something. And she’s desperately trying to get me to figure out what I want to do with my life. But I want to see a doctor or something first, or a councillor or anything. To try and find the route of my problem and work through it, so I can get on with my life. I mean, I can’t really say what I want to do with my life if for whatever reason I’m terrified to leave my room for prolonged periods of time. My brother just keeps saying I should go out more, but I don’t really have a stable income, so I don’t want to spend the money I have in the bank, if its not being replenished from somewhere. Though my mum suggests I get sickness benefits until I’ve worked through this. I may look for part time work in the mean time. It appears not that fulltime has just screwed me up.
My pride is still getting in the way but I guess I’m slowly opening up to her more. She’s really going out of her way to get me help, but it’s getting awkward, she wants me to do all this stuff, and its causing me to reach the verge of panic attacks. I really need to just get used to being out of my comfort zone, but I want to do it slowly, not at break neck speed. Me and Cold Turkey don’t mix.
Well my note pad is still in my bag so I’ll go get it and see If I can’t find any idea’s worth putting to paper.
Stay Safe
BP
